Friday, June 5, 2009

I'm Back

Hi everyone.  I'm back.  A little dented and bruised, a little blue.  But I am back.

The last two months have been tough.  

I was very busy at work, getting our office ready to move to a new suite. We're there now, and almost everything is back in working order.  Still got a ton of unpacking and organizing to do, but the worst of the time crunch is over now.

And unexpectedly, two weeks before our office move, I received "that phone call."  You know, the one where you are in one state, and your family is in another.  And something horrible happens.

I received that phone call two years ago when my dad almost died from a blot clot that killed his large intestine and put him in intensive care for three weeks.  But miraculously, he lived through it and gradually got his life back over time.

But then, "that phone call" came again.  This time, my dad had died instantly from a heart attack.  He had gone outside early on a Thursday to mow the grass, but came back in because it was too wet.  He sat on the sofa in the sunroom and asked my mom for a bottle of water.  She got it for him, turned to walk back into the kitchen, and heard him gasp.  She turned back, saw him slumped back against the sofa, and her life was turned upside down.

The EMTs came, did a great job, but never got a reliable heart beat back.  I'm okay with that, because if they had, it would have meant another stint in intensive care, and the life of an invalid because of more damage to his heart.  He would have hated that.

So that day I hurried home, packed quickly and headed home to NC.  I know some of you have lost parents and probably remember what an unreal experience it is to go through.  It felt very odd to have to ask someone to be a pallbearer.  On the one hand, you know they might feel honored to be asked, but on the other hand, you are asking them to choose to do an awful, emotional task.  

My brother and sister had a tough time that week.  I somehow remained strong and was able to support my mom, my nieces, them and close family members and friends.  

But now, after the office move is over and life is back to "normal," I am feeling very blue and emotional and sad.  I feel the breakdown is coming on.

I really am happy to have had my dad with me for 70+ years, and so grateful to have a wonderful, strong family.  And I absolutely know that he didn't really like being physically weaker after his colon experience, and that he would have hated going through another intensive care experience.

And I know he's spending his mornings in heaven fishing, and his afternoons golfing.  And now he has a perfect golf swing!  So I feel happy that he's not in pain, and that he didn't have to go through a long, debillitating health experience.

But I am sad and blue.  And I suspect I will be for awhile.  But I hear that's what life is all about.

6 comments:

Kate said...

Hi Deb. I am so very, very sorry that you lost your father. I do understand how awful it feels. My father died when I was 19 and he was only 47. It was also a heart attack.

I wish there was something I could do to help you.

You are such a wonderful person and I was so happy to spend some time with you this year. I'm really glad that we met each other and that you joined Team Voice. Working on your health is such an important thing.

Please keep posting to your blog and let us know how you are doing.

Wishing you and your family my sincerest sympathies, - Kate

Amanda said...

I've lost both of my parents and will not tell you when it will get better. Just know that if you ever need to talk I'll be more than happy to listen.

I am glad you made it through the office move.

Remember the let down will happen so it's a good time to remember your health and do something nice for your body and soul. Both will need some time to heal and get back on even ground.

All the love, faith and pixie dust you can handle coming your way.

MikeF. said...

Deb much love and support from the Fess family to yours.

Rae! said...

I am glad you are getting back to your normal. And I can relate to your loss. Time will heal you. Enjoy your memories. And you left one thing out, you did 3 miles instead of 2 miles!!!! ;)

Sending you lots of hugs, and if you need a shoulder to lean on, I am hear to listen.

DebWDW said...

Thanks friends. Even before I posted the news, I knew all of you would be ready to support me -- because that's what Team Voicers do. You are all the best!

sambycat said...

OMG sweetie!!!!! i am so sorry!!!! i had no idea! i've been so behind in my general blog reading..... i am so sorry. i know somewhat what thats all about and my heart goes out to you and your family...

lisa