I'm Back

Hi everyone.  I'm back.  A little dented and bruised, a little blue.  But I am back.

The last two months have been tough.  

I was very busy at work, getting our office ready to move to a new suite. We're there now, and almost everything is back in working order.  Still got a ton of unpacking and organizing to do, but the worst of the time crunch is over now.

And unexpectedly, two weeks before our office move, I received "that phone call."  You know, the one where you are in one state, and your family is in another.  And something horrible happens.

I received that phone call two years ago when my dad almost died from a blot clot that killed his large intestine and put him in intensive care for three weeks.  But miraculously, he lived through it and gradually got his life back over time.

But then, "that phone call" came again.  This time, my dad had died instantly from a heart attack.  He had gone outside early on a Thursday to mow the grass, but came back in because it was too wet.  He sat on the sofa in the sunroom and asked my mom for a bottle of water.  She got it for him, turned to walk back into the kitchen, and heard him gasp.  She turned back, saw him slumped back against the sofa, and her life was turned upside down.

The EMTs came, did a great job, but never got a reliable heart beat back.  I'm okay with that, because if they had, it would have meant another stint in intensive care, and the life of an invalid because of more damage to his heart.  He would have hated that.

So that day I hurried home, packed quickly and headed home to NC.  I know some of you have lost parents and probably remember what an unreal experience it is to go through.  It felt very odd to have to ask someone to be a pallbearer.  On the one hand, you know they might feel honored to be asked, but on the other hand, you are asking them to choose to do an awful, emotional task.  

My brother and sister had a tough time that week.  I somehow remained strong and was able to support my mom, my nieces, them and close family members and friends.  

But now, after the office move is over and life is back to "normal," I am feeling very blue and emotional and sad.  I feel the breakdown is coming on.

I really am happy to have had my dad with me for 70+ years, and so grateful to have a wonderful, strong family.  And I absolutely know that he didn't really like being physically weaker after his colon experience, and that he would have hated going through another intensive care experience.

And I know he's spending his mornings in heaven fishing, and his afternoons golfing.  And now he has a perfect golf swing!  So I feel happy that he's not in pain, and that he didn't have to go through a long, debillitating health experience.

But I am sad and blue.  And I suspect I will be for awhile.  But I hear that's what life is all about.